Okay, notes. The script below—here’s the link— was a first draft written in only 30 minutes, so apologies for the lack of polish and usual formatting.  (Although commercial scripts are much different from film/TV, being double-columned.)

The pace has to be breakneck for two reasons. We’re cramming an epic story into 30 seconds.  This pace also gives the tone and feel of clichéd martial arts flicks and video games.  Any TVTropes-stuff should be considered:  over-the-top sound effects, exaggerated glares and gestures, etc.  Here’s the TVTropes search page for martial arts.  Also tropes from the Buffy/Xena style of babes-doing-butt-kicking could work.

I’m not saying we do ALL of them, of course; it wouldn’t be desirable even if it were possible. But unless two of you gals ARE Xena-class martial artists, the duel will require brief shots, quick cuts, and careful editing.  You know:  shot of a hand throwing Doritos rapid-fire/chips criss-crossing in mid-air/lovely lips snatching Doritos from the air—this last shot of course being the tricky one.  So any tropes or cheats that help sell the battle will be great.

We should buy every flavor and style of Dorito available, and feature as many as possible. Crazy martial arts uses for the various flavors and shapes would be fantastic.  I’ll look at some options today if work isn’t terribly busy, this evening otherwise.

I do believe, if it could be squeezed in, an uncredited cameo would be hilarious:

SHOT: a single Doritos Locos Taco flies through the air.  S/FX: crunching and chewing.

ANNA (cheeks bulging, muffled voice): “Thad nod fah!”

CATHY (offscren) : I allow it because it is funny!

If you guys want to comment here or on the script page, I have to approve everyone’s first. After that your comments will go up (unless you include two or more links, I think.)