Folks, folks, folks!  Have I got a deal for you?  Have I got a diet for you?! Yes indeedy.  It is nothing less than the greatest weight-loss program in history.

I give you…The Reading, Video Gaming, Kentucky Fried Chicken Diet!

How good is it?  In the past eight weeks, I have lost over twenty pounds of fat.  Two months ago I could barely get the 36-inch waist of my jeans closed, and today I need a belt for my old 34-inchers!  And it’s all due to big helpings of three things:  reading*, video gaming**, and fried chicken consumption***.

“How is that possible?” you ask.  “Buy my book!” I reply.  “Also, pay no attention to the legally-required disclaimers below.  They are very tiny and reading them is bad for the eyes.”

So if you’re ready to say, “Screw Jarod and those wimpy Subway sandwiches, imma eat me some fried chicken with eleven herbs and spices”  then act now!

*Reading is done while walking along hilly roads for four to six miles per day.  Some users will experience nausea from combining movement and reading; others will likely be run over by motor vehicles.

**Video gaming is also done while walking the equivalent of four to six miles per day on a treadmill.  This is only recommended for strategy and turn-based games; FPS and reflex-based gamers trying this will need frequent treatment for wrenched limbs and concussions.

***The Colonel’s delicious chicken is part of a one-meal-a-day plan while in deep ketosis.  Due to legal concerns we recommend that you consult a doctor prior to drastically altering your metabolism, although of course men actually using their Y chromosome won’t bother.

See?  That print is just too tiny.  Probably a side-effect of NSA snooping.

So, what do you say?  Actually, what is there to say?  Nothing!  So send money!  Give money, get an amazingly effective weight loss plan.  Capitalism!  Would you rather be a lean mean capitalist or a big fat Commie?  There’s only one right answer to that question, and it’s you sending money.

RVG and KFC,

They have really worked for me.

And they could be your keys to a brighter…and lighter…tomorrow!