Now that the horses have all gotten out…

…the barn door gets locked.

In theory, I could have managed my apnea since beginning to wear the CPAP respirator back in…I think…February.  Instead, it mostly got worse.  The specialists said most people adjust to the discomfort in a month, as long as they wear it every night for about seven hours.  And of course all organisms react identically to the same stimuli.

No, for me it was torture.  Although chronically fatigued I still couldn’t find sleep with those “pillows” stuck up my nostrils.  In bed, my most common thought was probably, “we couldn’t do this to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.”

And that was before I finally managed to fall asleep…to quickly discover that whenever my mouth sagged open even slightly, my medical “aid” would respond by blasting air down the nose and into the throat.  When I woke to that sensation and realized what happened, I thought I was in the Circle of Hell so horrible that Dante had repressed his memories of it.

“Ah, you need a strap to keep your mouth closed in sleep,” the experts said.  “Strap” turned out to mean a tourniquet…for my head.

Apologies for going on about this, but I’m also trying to organize my sob story (but a true sob story!)  for future legal counsel.  My plea will be countered with, “he didn’t comply with the specialist’s instructions in the first month.”  And that’s true:  in my numbed and exhausted state I found it impossible to torture myself any more than I did.  The treatment made things a lot worse before it got better.  Which, prior to my termination, it didn’t really ever do.

So, guess what happened when I went back to the sleep clinic a few days ago?  The technician heard my complaints and mentioned a new respirator, the Wisp.


As you can see, it does turn the user a whiter shade of pale than Elric of Melnibone.  But you know what?  It’s a small price to pay.  So what if direct sunlight will now cause me to burst into flames?  I can actually sleep in this thing…most of the time…with relatively minor disruptions.

The Wisp came out only weeks after I got the “nasal probe” model, and I’d still have my job if I’d only known.

*Ambiguous sigh*

About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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10 Responses to Now that the horses have all gotten out…

  1. Edohiguma says:

    Word of advice: make it sound as awful and terrible for you as possible. I know, I know, most of us don’t want to sound whiny or anything, but when the SHTF… pride is nice, but it can get in the way.

    Problem with releases of new tech that not every doctor hears about it on day one.

  2. wdydfae says:

    I second Edo.

    Anyway, Crimeney.

    Reading this one assured me that you haven’t lost your writing chops, though. For whatever that’s worth.

    • wormme says:

      My “chops” haven’t been in evidence in quite a while, have they? You could probably chart my (physical, mental, and social) decline by the quality and quantity of my posts. Which is to say, their lack of quality and quantity.

      Barring another radiological catastrophe, the quantity won’t vastly expand anytime soon. I have to focus on overcoming the apnea with lots of exercise, weight loss, and new habits. But hopefully the quality of posts will regain some good cheer.

      No promises if my legal appeal goes belly-up, though.

  3. wdydfae says:

    I lost track there for most of the last month or two, so I can’t say if that’s true.

    Well, excellent on the new regimen. Don’t worry about the blog. It’s just a blog!

    In my prayers daily.

    • wdydfae says:

      Meaning your well-being is (obviously) more important than the blog. Though, your writing is also more important than the blog, when it comes down to it. (That is, you can develop your writing apart from blog maintenance and work on other writing projects.) Didn’t mean to denigrate the site, which actually has meant a lot to me, but gotta keep these things in perspective.

  4. blindshooter says:

    I finally found a mask that covers the mouth and nose with head gear that actually held it in place. Still have trouble as I also have three bulging disks (c5,6&7) that cause just enough discomfort to keep me awake enjoying the Darth Vader head gear. I’m sure you’ll beat the health issues and find another open door somewhere. Good luck.

  5. Pingback: If I do manage to get my job back… | World's Only Rational Man

  6. Pingback: Someday, the sleeping blog shall awaken! | World's Only Rational Man

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