I would be the greatest emperor ever right up until my assassination.

“He governs best who governs least,” the old adage goes.  Obvious, right?  But what is governing least?  Do you have the concept pared down to its absolute core?  If not, you would be a worse ruler than your host.

Here is governing least:  settling disputes.  Whether someone is invading your nation or your cities are waging tariff wars, you only get involved when it becomes too much to bear.  “Shut up back there or I’m pulling the car over!” works wonders, after everyone knows that you will do as you say and put boot to butt.

“Ah,” you might counter, “but aren’t benevolent autarchies the best possible governments in theory?  Don’t you as a Christian expect someday to serve under God’s direct rule?  Why, certainly.  Thank God!  Look at the so-called leaders we currently have (Chuck Hagen?!) and imagine the bliss of infallible rule.

Since I can’t provide that, what you’d get from me would be studied indifference punctuated by flashes of surly yet decisive action.  Dealing with people problems, for me, is almost literally hell on earth.  So it would always be kept to a  minimum.  Absolute power does not corrupt wormmes; it makes us cranky.

COURTIER:  “My liege, you are needed!”

KING WORMME (playing the latest Disgaea game):  “No, that doesn’t seem likely at all.”

COURTIER:  “The disputants insist on seeing you, my lord.”

KING WORMME (eyes narrowing):  “Oh they do, do they?  Send ’em in.”

There’s only one scenario in which anyone comes out of this happy; when there’s an obviously guilty party.  If so, the innocent will rejoice, the guilty will lament,, and my incompetent staff will be chastized for being imcompetent and forcing me to govern.

In every other scenario, all litigants will wish devoutly pray for “least governance”, yea, until their dying days.

Yep.  So king me.  It’s for your own good.

About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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2 Responses to I would be the greatest emperor ever right up until my assassination.

  1. SeanB says:

    I think the best way would be if only one of the two comes out alive…………. Unless you think both are wrong, then both leave in a pine package.

    Better still is that if the peons under do not bring it to you in time then they leave via the pine express.

  2. wormme says:

    As a purely secular matter, that approach would be most efficient. However, as a Christian I know that repentance is possible. Not likely, true, but occasional weirdos do come to see the error of their ways, and I’d hate to deprive them of the same chance that I was given.

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