Astor:

Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!

Churchill:

Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.

Morris:

There’s a conspiracy against me, a conspiracy of silence; but what can one do? What should I do?

Wilde:

Join it.

G.B. Shaw:

Have reserved two tickets for opening night. Come and bring a friend if you have one.

Churchill:

Impossible to come to first night. Will come to second night if you have one.

Montagu:

Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox.

Wilkes:

That will depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.

Pratt:

I honestly don’t understand why you would rather have people be victims of a crime than be able to defend themselves. It’s incomprehensible.

Piers Morgan:

You’re an unbelievably stupid man, aren’t you?

Progressive’s Progress.