British twit Morgan and Australian cockie Murdoch both use this country’s First Amendment protections to amass wealth and to insult hosts who make use of the Second Amendment.  The (formerly) Aussie dill at least had the decency to become an American before trying to subvert Constitutional protections he doesn’t like.  And while he might not be mentally ill, unlike the English pansy, he does travel with a security team of  least five men.

How are those bodyguards armed, Rupert, you spoiled bitch?  (Note–“bitch” is wormme slang for any male who is an embarrassment to the Y chromosome.  It is never appropriate when applied to a non-canine female, even if she’s an Australian cockie.)

We must investigate the personal security of every rich bitch who equates gun ownership with mass murder.  And also every wealthy woman who seeks to disarm us.  NYC mayor/magnate Michelle Bloomberg, who enjoys both police protection and private security, must immediately be remanded to the Panopticon.

There’s never a need to listen to anti-gun nuts who employ private security.  Leftist arguments are as reasoned as your knee’s response to a rubber mallet, and no less predictable.  So let’s go ahead and make their case for them.

“But don’t you see…my bodyguards are professionals.”

And surely we must allow this.  In a free society, contract law must permit courageous individuals to accept renumeration for providing physical security.  Thus, I now invoke the legal concept of corpus protectus.

 Corpus protectus–as you well know–must be accorded due respect because it sounds very much like Latin.  And this venerable principle permits me to offer a retainer of one penny to every law-abiding American gun owner willing to serve as my professional bodyguard.

Please note that for financial reasons I’m not able to offer immediate employment to more than one million of you guys.  However, know that I will be your professional bodyguard for a retainer of one penny (or more!).  Thus, in the fullness of time, we’ll amount to about a hundred million professionals, each provisionally hired by a hundred million security-minded employers.

Remember that this is the retainer only.  Due to minimum wage law, the emergency responses themselves will require pay of not less than about 12.1 cents per minute.  More, in some states.

Naturally, at these wages no one can expect round-the-clock protection.  Rupert Murdoch can afford defense-in-depth; we have to improvise.

And though Rupert & Co. might deny us the means to defend ourselves, they must concede that we need them to protect our clients.  And as this is a zone defense in which your professional services can be required at any time, no one can expect you to disarm yourself when out in public.  To do otherwise is to betray your employers.

We shall be America’s Musketeers:  Telum pro omnibus, omnes pro telum.  Gun for all, and all for gun.  Latin!

Unconventional, to be sure.  But the alternative is a society in which only the rich and politically connected can protect themselves against assault.  So can we all agree that any American who opposes this commonsense measure is a tyrannical twit, dill, and cockie?

Oh, and throw the tyrannical British twits out of the country entirely.  I know there’s legal precedence for that!