Well, I challenge Larry O’Donnell to hand-to-hand combat…

…with one hand tied behind my back.

Your move, beyotch.

“When I hear you talk about taking a swing and taking punches, why do I get the feeling you have never actually taken a punch, or thrown a punch.

Well, you are legendarily clueless, Lawrence.  What I know is that foes who only throw punches can be defeated with contemptuous ease.  So….please…when we fight, do box at me instead of doing this or this.

I didn’t have that luxury in the part of Boston I grew up in.  But in your rich, suburban, Boston life, with your father filling a $100 million trust fund for you. I don’t know, I  just get the feeling things were kind of different for you.”

Yeah, Larry, you’re a real product of Boston’s mean streets.  Tuition at your private school is a paltry $35,000 per year!  That’s a bit more than my Dad made as an itenerant minister while supporting a family of five.  My privileged youth was spent in the rural South as a four-eyed bookworm preacher’s son.  My spending money came from working tobacco and hauling hay and tacking hides in a tannery.

Whereas you, Larry, had it tough.

I freely admit:  I’ve only been in a few dozen serious fights in my life.  And only one of those was against multiple opponents!  Of course I also spent a few thousand hours wrestling and fighting a younger brother whose reflexes were those of an amphetamine-crazed mongoose.

But then, who didn’t?

Big guy, for realz:  I’d beat you so easily I wouldn’t even have to hurt you.  In fact, sometimes I did beat bullies so painlessly they’d later forget the outcome and force me to remind them.

But that mistake hasn’t been made in three decades.

That’s why, Larry, I want to fight you with one hand.  If you’re as good a fighter as you think, I’ll have to inflict serious damage upon your miserable corpus.  If you’re as good as I think, I won’t have to.  But note that an injury-free fight isn’t on the table.  Because, full disclosure:  I have yearned to beat the holy living crap out of you ever since you disrespected a goddess.

(Not that you won that exchange, either. Heh heh.  You’re such a putz.)

So let’s have at it, O’Donnell.  No-holds-barred combat, anytime, anywhere, and I insist you kill me if you can.  Plus you get to select my Combat Mode:  1) I use two hands and damage only your pride,  2) I fight one-handed and break or dislocate various parts of your body.   Or even 3)

On second thought, ‘twould be a silly bout.

I pray this challenge reaches you in good health, Larry.  It would be less fun beating you up otherwise.  Of course we will never actually fight, as you are a cowardly bully and would never dare to face me.  But should I be wrong, should some faint trace of manhood remain underneath all that ridiculous bluster…let me know.

Tough guy.

About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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2 Responses to Well, I challenge Larry O’Donnell to hand-to-hand combat…

  1. Edohiguma says:

    The loudest socialists today are always those with nothing to lose and always plenty of money.

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