Well, I challenge Larry O’Donnell to hand-to-hand combat…

…with one hand tied behind my back.

Your move, beyotch.

“When I hear you talk about taking a swing and taking punches, why do I get the feeling you have never actually taken a punch, or thrown a punch.

Well, you are legendarily clueless, Lawrence.  What I know is that foes who only throw punches can be defeated with contemptuous ease.  So….please…when we fight, do box at me instead of doing this or this.

I didn’t have that luxury in the part of Boston I grew up in.  But in your rich, suburban, Boston life, with your father filling a $100 million trust fund for you. I don’t know, I  just get the feeling things were kind of different for you.”

Yeah, Larry, you’re a real product of Boston’s mean streets.  Tuition at your private school is a paltry $35,000 per year!  That’s a bit more than my Dad made as an itenerant minister while supporting a family of five.  My privileged youth was spent in the rural South as a four-eyed bookworm preacher’s son.  My spending money came from working tobacco and hauling hay and tacking hides in a tannery.

Whereas you, Larry, had it tough.

I freely admit:  I’ve only been in a few dozen serious fights in my life.  And only one of those was against multiple opponents!  Of course I also spent a few thousand hours wrestling and fighting a younger brother whose reflexes were those of an amphetamine-crazed mongoose.

But then, who didn’t?

Big guy, for realz:  I’d beat you so easily I wouldn’t even have to hurt you.  In fact, sometimes I did beat bullies so painlessly they’d later forget the outcome and force me to remind them.

But that mistake hasn’t been made in three decades.

That’s why, Larry, I want to fight you with one hand.  If you’re as good a fighter as you think, I’ll have to inflict serious damage upon your miserable corpus.  If you’re as good as I think, I won’t have to.  But note that an injury-free fight isn’t on the table.  Because, full disclosure:  I have yearned to beat the holy living crap out of you ever since you disrespected a goddess.

(Not that you won that exchange, either. Heh heh.  You’re such a putz.)

So let’s have at it, O’Donnell.  No-holds-barred combat, anytime, anywhere, and I insist you kill me if you can.  Plus you get to select my Combat Mode:  1) I use two hands and damage only your pride,  2) I fight one-handed and break or dislocate various parts of your body.   Or even 3)

On second thought, ‘twould be a silly bout.

I pray this challenge reaches you in good health, Larry.  It would be less fun beating you up otherwise.  Of course we will never actually fight, as you are a cowardly bully and would never dare to face me.  But should I be wrong, should some faint trace of manhood remain underneath all that ridiculous bluster…let me know.

Tough guy.

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About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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2 Responses to Well, I challenge Larry O’Donnell to hand-to-hand combat…

  1. Edohiguma says:

    The loudest socialists today are always those with nothing to lose and always plenty of money.

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