I often listen to Hallerin Hilton Hill during the morning drive and The Phil Show in the afternoon. Lately Phil has been asking his audience questions about “Jesus’s wife”. Specifically…did He have one?
This is a very stupid question.
Today, on (my other radio option) The Big Show, the inane origin was revealed. Our culprit was…inevitably…a distaff professor at the Harvard School of Divinity. Oh, “inevitably” is unfair. A dude got rich from the idiotic lie, why shouldn’t gals horn in? Sex sells, even when it’s slash fic about The Bright And Morning Star.
Obviously blasphemy does not bother me. It’s preferable to apathy. But this is such stupid, stupid, stupid boring heresy. All it takes is minimal Biblical knowledge and two working brain cells to disprove it. And yet the sweaty defamation recurs, generation after generation after generation. Dadgummit humans, do I have to do all your dadgum thinking? Christ was not married.
The Lamb of God also never got it on, shacked up, had a one-night’s stand, or hid the salami or shagged boffed boned or screwed. There is no doubt that He lusted, just as there’s no doubt He never surrendered to temptation. Because…and this may be news to those who didn’t have Scripture drilled into their heads every night for eighteen years…Christ is engaged. He has a fiancé of which I am possibly a mono-cellular component. (Which doesn’t make me gay. Just insignificant.)
So according to Scripture: 1) Jesus is without sin, and 3) Jesus is engaged. Given that—and this is a puzzle so simple even an Ivy Leaguer should get it—what is 2)?
2a) Jesus was chaste His entire earthly life.
2b) Jesus cheated, thus negating the entire Book from which leeches like Brown and King suck.
So…2b, or not 2b? That is the question. If you can’t answer, could you climb out on a lofty tree limb and cut down the tree it’s attached to? Please?