(UPDATE: Celebrity endorsement! By G.H. Reynolds, Law Professor and Renaissance-American extraordinaire! This proves that Blog-U is fully accredited and not satiric or mocking or non-accredited.)
Fact checking is the growth pundit sector in every media! And here at “Blog U” (a subsidiary of Digi-Text College) we offer everything you need…to succeed! How sure are we that you can be a professional fact-checker? It’s guaranteed or your money back!
“But Blog-U,” you protest, “you don’t even know who I am!” That’s right, future professional fact-checker, we don’t! But we know who you’re not. You…lucky reader…are not Ezra Klein.
Or shoud we say, Ezra Klein…professional fact-checker!
Now do you believe? Fact-checkers are in such demand that even invertebrate inveterate liars are needed. Think about that! It’s like convicted arsonists working at the fire alarm factory! Like accused pederast Harry Reid…
…getting a babysitting job! What are your chances in this crazy coo-coo Bizarro World? With Blog-U’s help, they are 100%.
And that’s not all! Blog U can even teach you both kinds of fact-checking. That’s right….bowwwwwwwth. “Both kinds?” you gasp. “There’s more than one?!”
Yes, well-heeled or grant-eligible future student, there are. As readers not desperate enough to attend a cul-de-sac community college would infer, there are two types of Fact-Checking. Twice as many as you ever imagined!
And Blog U teaches every one of them. The first is Narrative-Based Fact-Checking…which guarantees your job in the mainstream media. “It’s too good to be true,” you sob? No, what’s too good to be true is the one-step process which requires only whiny arrogance…a skill you mastered before kindergarten…to fact-check limitless data in milliseconds. That’s what’s too good to be true.
And it’s all true!
Of course, no career is perfect**, but Narrative-Based Fact-Checking is perfect…for students struggling to lace their Velcro shoes and for those using Carcharodon carcharias-based morality. We see you out there! Look at the job market. Now look at Ezra Klein. Now look at yourself and ask…how else can you avoid unemployment? Well?
That’s right, welcome to Blog U! No, don’t worry your pretty little heads about that other fact-checking thing. It has two prerequisites, Morality-101 and then either Basic Logic or Common Sense. So, any more questions?
Keggers? We don’t permit Narrative-Based Fact-Checkers to hold keg parties…we demand it. No, you rock, dude. Okay, okay, we all rock.
Blog U! Blog U! Blog U!
*(Our Blog U guarantee is not only the best ever offered by mortal man, this claim has been fact-checked. By a professional!***)
**(Side-effects of prolonged Narrative-Based Fact-Checking include mental and moral degradation, permanent reversion to childlike petulance and self-worship, and a creepy fetish for protests featuring papier-mâché dolls and circle drumming.)
Hello strivers, dreamers, and home-schooled Americans. Digi-Text College now offers a course in Logic-Based Fact-Checking.
“Er…” you say, nonplussed, “is there any other kind?” No, of course not. But there is a burgeoning media field called “Fact-Checking”, which doesn’t sound Orwellian* until you see it in action. So this “L-B F-C” class is the latest weapon in our never-ending battle against Newspeak. Chip in for course materials if you’d like, but the course is gratis to all those who couldn’t afford it otherwise.
(Funding for this project is provided by the drunken entitled morons over at Blog U.)
The odds of this course leading straight to a media job aren’t good, of course. And you’ll never get that Super Bowl-sized audience. But the Puppy Bowl is a thing of beauty and brilliantly counter-programs the Super Bowl. You can do the same against our tyrannical Ruling Class. And even if this study doesn’t lead directly to a job, we guarantee major side-effects**
So join us if the topic appeals to you!. If not, keep fighting the good fight in your own way. For freedom!
*(Don’t forget that George Orwell was an idiot-savant. His genius at describing tyranny was equaled by his jaw-dropping economic stupidity. Of course if Orwellian economics makes sense to you you’re probably wearing a beer hat over at the Blog U kegger.)
**(Side effects of Logic-Based Fact-Checking include heightened mental acuity and discipline, increased humility with a corresponding rise in confidence, and proof that Shakespeare saw Narrative-Based Fact-Checkers coming.)