As a man, American, and Christian, Mr. Akin…chose wisely.

Last post dealt with Todd Akin’s peculiar paranormal pregnancy powers.  Our conclusion: if they exist, they are not statistically significant.  (UPDATE–Upon reading further, and reflection,  a terrified, utterly unaroused woman probably isn’t as likely to get pregnant as the same woman in consensual sex.  But as Ms. Powers points out, the CDC gets 32,000 annual reports of pregnancy by rape.  Is every single claim the truth?  Of course not.  Are so many of them lying that it is, as Akin claims, “really rare”?  Of course not.  He was wrong, stupidly wrong.  And Republican stupidity remains a capital political offense.)

Now the question is:  should candidate Akin give up his position to the next GOP pol in line?  Well, first note that I do believe rape victims will have more spontaneous abortions, miscarriages, and stillborn than non-victims.  But let’s shave with Occam’s Razor:  there’s a simpler explanation than “Magical Uterus Power!”  In fact, it’s already a proven health hazard.

So Mr. Akin, I suspect the main cause of rape pregnancy failures is…STRESS!  STRESS!  UNIMAGINABLE PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL STRESS!!!

You oblivious idiot.

But hey!  Unlike Ann and Michelle and Sean and…well, basically every non-Democrat…I’m fine with you staying as candidate.  Just as long as you loudly (and honestly) admit to having been raped yourself.  Tell us you’d forgotten about being much less tormented by post-rape depression than most victims.

Otherwise…if you’re not a rape victim, Todd Akin… then shut the face up and get the face out.  Are you actually a follower of Christ?!  I am a terrible, terrible Christian and yet here I am reminding you of Matthew 10:16!  Wise?  Wise?  You’ve been as wise as a sodium umbrella!  Brother, dig those two sequoias out of your eyeballs before you ever take your tweezers near another face!

Okay, rant over.  My Christian judgment…get out of the race now, Brother Akin.  It cannot be wise to remain.  So if you do…you embrace the carnality of pride and ambition.  You will rationalize your selfishness as courage and virtue.  The world’s cares will get their chokehold on you, as they do all seeds that fall to the wayside.

But…speaking only as a man…you’d be crazy to drop out.  Wouldn’t you Todd?  You’ve been working toward this for years and dreaming of it for decades.  Give up the chance to be a freakin’ Congressman?!  Quit running your marathon because of a moment’s stumble?  After all, the Democratic Party is so malevolent and tyrannical that you might very well win despite this setback.

So…best two out of three, then.  And speaking as an American…seriously?  There’s only one patriotic path, Todd…  Step down.  Please step down and throw your support to Sarah Steelman, just as Sarah Numero Uno requests.  That basically guarantees a  liberty-loving representative in D.C., even though…I know…it isn’t you.

But staying in the race probably gives that seat to another thievin’ Democrat.  As they well know.

Be Christian and American first, Todd Akin, and cast down your manly ambition.

Please.

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About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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4 Responses to As a man, American, and Christian, Mr. Akin…chose wisely.

  1. Edohiguma says:

    Apart from the stress, the fear and the body of course resisting, it also has to happen at the perfect moment in the ovulation cycle.

    Personally I think he has to go, simple as that. He has to man up and bug out.

    Meanwhile democrats can get away with killing people and get re-elected for years. As seen with the one Kennedy. Something ain’t right there.

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