Dan Cathy, COO of “eat mor chickin’”:  opposed to gay marriage on religious grounds.

Glenn Harlan Reynolds, Instapundit:  in favor of gay marriage on humanistic grounds.

(Barack Hussein Obama, SCOAMF:  opposed to everything not in favor of Barack Hussein Obama.)

As for me?  I say:  we are our brothers’ lookouts, not their keepers.

As a believer in the Bible and a “signatory” to the New Covenant, I can’t approve of gay marriage.  Of course that also means rejecting polygamy, homosexuality, adultery, fornication, and onanism.  Also lies, pride, envy, avarice, and sloth.  This, despite me personally violating several items as recently as…er…recently.

Does this make your Invertebrate Host a hypocrite?  Nope!  Just weak.  It’s not hypocrisy unless I believe it’s fine for me to be lazy, but not for you.  And, frankly, that sounds too much like work.

So—as a man too lazy to be dishonest–what is my Christian belief on gay marriage?  That gay marriage does more spiritual harm than good.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t understand why.  Does it matter if a child understands gravity when she stumbles off a cliff?  There is research (controversial, for obvious reasons) that children do better with hetero parents than gay ones.  I don’t know why that’s surprising, any more than kids with a loving Mom & Dad do better than children with only one parent.  “Heteronormative” is a curse word in LGBT communities, but it doesn’t change the fact that hetero is normative.  Swear at Earth’s acceleration all you want, it won’t affect your 32 ft./sec^2 fall in the slightest.

So am I like Mr. Cathy, expending time and resources to prevent gays from entering legally binding relationships?  Well, no.  Children being minors, evidence could make me oppose gay parenthood.  But then wouldn’t we also need to outlaw single parenthood?  It gets tricky in a hurry.  And so I can’t “oppose” gay marriage when the federal government already meddles in Americans’ relationships.

Do you see the difference?  My attitude toward gay marriage is exactly like Mikey Bloomberg’s toward salt, sugar, smoking, trans-fats, and baby formula…with one teeny difference:

I’m not a gosh-darn tinhorn tyrant.  

And I’d best never become one…for my Lord is not.  He’s never thwarted my will, and why would He?  He teaches that whatever sin we purpose in our hearts, we have already committed in spirit.

So I promise to physically stop the gayz from their gayplaying (and the Westboro Baptist Church from their hating) immediately after Jesus Christ physically drags me out of my La-Z-Boy.

Which will be by my cold, dead buttocks.