For the first time, I regret that Romney is Mormon. He won’t mention polygamy, will he? Even though a smart Latter Day Saint could now destroy Obama on the subject of marriage.
(Well, assuming the LDS candidate isn’t in favor of polygamy.)
“In 1857, President Buchanan sent an army into the state of Utah. Why? To force the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to give up polygamy. It worked, and as a Mormon I’m grateful. My one-and-only Ann is already more woman than I can handle.”
“I strongly believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman. This is not because government should meddle in the affairs of consenting adults. I defend traditional American marriage because it is what is best for America’s children.”
“The President wants the federal government out of the marriage business. He’s fine with banning light bulbs, and shutting down energy production, and forcing Catholic organizations to provide contraceptives…but not with promoting the best households for innocent children.”
“In conclusion: gay marriage blows.”
(WTF, you ask? Great speechwriters always let the speaker improve their work. That doesn’t mean you let him decide what the improvement is. Give an obvious edit. It works on censors, too!)