You think The Amazing Race is big?
…the heads of…the FBI, CIA, the director of national intelligence and the attorney general objected…
That Toddlers & Tiaras is controversial?
…so radical that it would have been considered crazy had it been pushed by the Bush administration…
You think Americal Idol judges have power?
…when they say, ‘I want my lawyer,’ you tell them, ‘Shut up. You don’t get a lawyer.’”
Do you honestly think the stakes are high in Survivor?
…indefinitely detain without trial American terrorism suspects arrested on US soil who could then be shipped to Guantánamo Bay.
It’s on, reality show fans! The Fox Network is about to blow your eyeballs and eardrums with the most intense show ever!
American Star Chamber. Or else the terrorists will win.
The stakes: A lifetime at Guantanamo!
The rules:…there are no rules. Rule of the jungle, baby! And our judges have all the claws. Each contestant—each obviously guilty contestant—will try to justify behavior like,
…missing fingers on their hands…has guns…has ammunition that is weatherproofed…has more than seven days of food in their house…
That’s right. Some of your friends and neighbors are terrorists! So don’t just watch the show, call or text us with your suspicions!
American Star Chamber, coming soon! You should watch it. You really should watch it.
Watch it, citizen.
(Notice–Failure to watch and approve of American Star Chamber is classified as seditious activity under the National Defense Authorization Act.)