My superpower is “not giving a crap”.

As noted before, I am, a little bit, trying to get myself killed.  I’m not suicidal; on the other hand, death is apparently the only cure for raging tinnitus.

So I’m perfectly willing to wager my life against sums as small as fifty dollars.  If you had my tinnitus you’d understand.

But in the comments on that post, Billy questioned the legal ramifications should anyone else bet against my life, and win.  

Obvious thing first; how is that my problem?

But.  I admit, I have vague long-term plans of appearing on network T.V. and offering to bet my life against spoiled lying morons.  Forget that fifty bucks; given the crap they spew, I’m perfectly willing to risk my life against nothing but the satisfaction of proving they’re cowardly wankers.  

Tinnitus, remember.  For all I know that’s why van Gogh cut off his ear.  Probably didn’t even do it on a wager, the moron.

Anyway, the W.O.R.M. wouldn’t propose this without a solution.  Let’s say I get a Daily Kos/Keith Olbermann-type to bet his life against mine on some outlandish progressive claim.  Oh, wait.  That won’t happen.  They don’t have my tinnitus. 

Plus they’re cowardly wankers.

But for the sake of argument, let’s say a life vs. life bet.  How do you collect without the survivor being punished for murder, or manslaughter, or whatever?

Two words:  international waters.

The loser rents the ocean-worthy vessel.  It’s not like he’s on a budget anymore, right?  Then he and the winner chug out, say, two hundred miles from shore.  The winner makes sure the following exchange is filmed, where the loser says, “You know what?  I’m gonna swim back from here.  You go on without me.  I’ll be fine!”  And hops out.

Several of my readers know me personally.  Anyone care to claim I wouldn’t do it?

Of course, since I’m both not-suicidal and a Christian, I would try to make it back.  But since I’m also not willing to welsh on a bet (and I have tinnitus!) we’d just rinse and repeat until the inevitable burial at sea.

I don’t see how even an ambitious prosecutor could nail anyone for taking someone else out for a swim.

About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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8 Responses to My superpower is “not giving a crap”.

  1. Billy says:

    Okay, you beat the system, no doubt; good plan.
    Is it a sin in God’s view? or in your view of what God would think?

    • wormme says:

      Yep, that is the question. I’ll concede it’s probably not the optimal approach. On the other hand, you’ve personal knowledge of me committing much worse sins than that, and God’s forgiveness was never hard to come by.

      I’ll bet my life that treading water all alone in ten thousand square miles of ocean is conducive to repentance. Er…wait. That would actually be betting the soul, wouldn’t it? That’s too rich for my taste. This is getting tricky…

  2. Lost in France says:

    An interesting angle on the problem.

    Of course gods punishment might be to have you rescued.

    In fact that may be your own personal hell to keep trying to find more ingenious ways to end it but to always survive!

    Anyway the next time I need something dangerous doing, I’ll call.

    • wormme says:

      Hey, I ain’t giving it away!

      There’s actually a decent Burt Reynolds flick called “The End” with a similiar can’t-even-suicide-properly plot.

  3. Lost in France says:

    And if my memory serves correct, in groundhog day, he gets so fed up with living the same day, he tries to kill himself off in more amd more dramatic ways. But still wakes every morning

  4. wormy, this suicide talk makes me sad.

    • wormme says:

      I apologize. But I don’t plan to ever make that offer when it’s not a sure thing. It’s not gambling with your life if it isn’t a gamble, right?

      And the point of the movie The End, and the incredible Harold and Maude, is for the protagonists to learn to love their lives.

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