I learned two things yesterday. First, that the movie Django Unchained uses the “n word” 109 times. And second, that Matt Drudge is racist for reporting it. The thing is…he never says the word! How are we supposed to know it, pay theater prices for a Jamie Foxx movie? Hah! Nice try, Hollywood. You might spend $20 on hammy acting plus a bucket of oil-covered popcorn, but in Flyover America
wild guesses contextual analyses are still free. We can solve this multiplex mystery ourselves.
Norwegian. “Django” sounds Romani, right? Which is Europeanish, like Sweden, which itself is indistinguishable from Norway at this distance. So maybe the “n word” is Norwegian.
I hate northern Europeans, of course—all decent people do—but that isn’t racism. It’s not the genes that are despicable; it’s the smug snow-skiing socialism. Next?
Nanoparticles. God, I detest those little bastards. The radioactive ones are the worst, but all of them are nothing but trouble. Nobody’s really sure what the buggers do inside the human body. Therefore we safety technicians are required by law to segregate nano-particulate trash from all other kinds of waste.
Think about that. Legal segregation. Case closed, right? Problem is, there’s no evidence that nanoparticles are living, much less sentient. Certainly they’re all sneaky and filthy. And buckministerfullerene, now there’s a foreign name for you. But that’s not racial animosity, it’s anthropomorphism. And even if they are aware, there’s nothing wrong with assuming nanoparticles are lesser beings. That’s called heightism, and it’s perfectly normal.
And that’s every “n word” I know. Oh wait, there’s Naugahyde. Which isn’t as silly as it first seems:
But wait…I forgot Naga. Naga! Oh yeah, that’s it. That is definitely the “n word”. I knew we could Sherlock the answer without paying good money for Tarantino’s Ye Olde Ultraviolence and Pureed Pop Culture. Just never expected Quentin to make a Dungeons & Dragons flick, is all. So listen up, you racist humans and elves and dwarves…not all nagas are evil.
Only 2/3rds of them are. (Or maybe 3/4ths, for you whippersnappers.)
That thing? EVIL. But this:
NOT EVIL. (Well, maybe it is, guardian and spirit naga look kind of alike to me.)
The point is, you can run around waving your Holy Sword and killing nagas willy-nilly, Sir Paladin. But that’s also a good way to fail your alignment check…Mister Blackguard.
So there you have it. Tarantino and Django Unchained maligned the noble Guardian Naga…109 times, because Quentin and Jamie are just that racist. They should have stuck to true clichés, such as that males are always good and females never are. I know it sounds sexist, but that’s just basic cryptozoology.