Brain-death cannot stop Stephen Moffat!

Just watched Season Two of the BBC’s SherlockSeason One wasn’t bad, as long as it’s not compared to “anything Jeremy Brett ever did.”

But…god.  Moffat has turned.  Turned like milk, I mean.  He’s now a rabid feral ϋberhack, Vomitus Rex.  Sure, he once wrote excellent stuff.  Note the past tense.  Now he abuses his reputation by feeding craploads of crap to crapheaded BBC producers who think crapberries are nutritious.

Sherlock isn’t merely crap, it’s stupid crap.  It’s “the story-teller isn’t even trying” crap.  It’s “Sherlock Holmes dies and there’s absolutely no possible way he could survive so everyone mourns and then we pan over to SHERLOCK HOLMES!”  You didn’t get a SPOILER ALERT because crap doesn’t spoil.

Moffat sucks.  He sucks up great literature and craps out polio.  “Polio”, because it’s totally lame and also as tasteless as a polio joke.  Unfortunately his writing also sucks in a fashion that can’t be separated from his private life.  “But wormme,” you cry, “isn’t that a critical failure on the writer’s part?”  Yes.  Yes, it is.

Mr. Moffat…Stevie Stevie Stevie…we know you’re gay.  It’s boring!  You stuffed Captain Jack Sparrow Harkness down Britain’s throat with Moffatian subtlety.  Fine, who cares, gay up the Whoniverse all you want.  But keep it in the TARDIS.  Okay, DJ&MH wasn’t that bad.  But Sherlock Holmes?  Doyle’s masterpiece is never improved by a gay subtext, not that your “text” had much “sub”.  Since nuance is beyond you, Moffat, let’s just say:

THE NEXT TIME YOU CRAP ON AN ENGLISH CLASSIC I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THE COLLECTED WORKS OF OSCAR WILDE.

(Note how that one sentence has more irony that than your entire oeuvre, champ.)

Dear non-Moffat readers, I swear unto God that right this second he’s pitching a reboot of Frankenstein in which Victor and his creation exchange smoldering looks until the climax, when they switch to bodily fluids.  Or possibly his 30-year-old Vlad Tepes/Van Helsing slashfic.  Or maybe Romeo and Mercutio, his improvement on the Bard.

Just don’t—whatever you do–ponder what Moffat would consider A Modest Proposal.

I told you not to think about it!

About wormme

I've accepted that all of you are socially superior to me. But no pretending that any of you are rational.
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6 Responses to Brain-death cannot stop Stephen Moffat!

  1. Edohiguma says:

    Harkness isn’t gay. He’s multi-sexual. Men, women, alien species, space slugs, robots, he hits on everything… And lands, too. Wherever Jack went with the Doctor, he flirted with everyone. All it took Jack is to say “Hello” and the Doctor usually went “Oh stop it!”

    Problem is, with Torchwood (which has become shoddier and shoddier since “season 3″, which was abysmal already, but season 4 took it down a notch) they moved away from how he was established in Doctor Who and turned him solely gay, which is just retarded.

    I want Jack to return to Doctor Who, but the way he was, without the constant Ianto crap. I was one of those who were really happy when Ianto died. He was a shitty character. Same with the others (I totally loathe Gwen Cooper, she’s a bloody idiot and useless.) Then there was one episode in Torchwood season 4 (which was a really bad season altogether) that only dealt with Jack being gay. It was stupid. That was not Jack Harkness.

    Still, I take Moffat over RTD. Season 4 of Doctor Who. Doctor-Donna? Really? Floating and bouncing Daleks? WTMF?

    As for Sherlock, well… I can only say two things: Cumberbatch had better performances in his career and I like Watson. The rest, unimpressive. Moriarty is a total joke in it. The Baskerville episode was good though, but I feel it suffered from being resolved too quickly in the end. It’s one of the general issues I have with Sherlock. Resolving the cases goes a bit too quickly in the last few minutes IMO.

    • wormme says:

      In all fairness, you’re right. In fact the proper term for folks like Jack is probably “omnisexual”. And excellent sci-fi can be done with that concept. Witness Varley’s “Steel Beach” just for human sex changes and resultant behavior modifications. No aliens required!

      Since you’ve made me think about it, maybe my complaint is more about the thoughtlessness of the sexuality. It’s all by-the-numbers state-of-the-art crud. Any paragraph of Clive Barker’s is better than any other BBC writer’s screenplay.

      And I don’t like Clive’s erotic fiction!

      • Edohiguma says:

        Yep. When you watch all the Doctor Who episodes with Jack, the pattern is clear. Jack meets Rose, flirts with her. Jacks meets Martha, flirts with her. Wherever Jack goes with the Doctor, he flirts with everyone. Even after RTD turned Rose into a complete Mary Sue with absorbing the TARDIS and destroying all Daleks Jack remained an omni-sexual charmer (and John Barrowman did a fantastic job with him.)

        Then Jack got his own show. Torchwood season 1 was fine. Season 2 was actually good (not so much because of Jack, to be perfectly honest.) So Jack was hitting on a man for a change, fine. Then, however, when we finally get some flashbacks with Jack’s life on Earth post-Rose all we get is gay. That’s all there is suddenly. All the relationships he has and had in Torchwood are gay. There’s nothing else. There were some attempts of making him flirt with Gwen, but those were really pitiful compared to how hit hit on everything with the Doctor.

        Torchwood in general is going down the sewer. After I finished season 4 I was just sitting there thinking “What the monkey f*** was that? Because it was really bad.

  2. Xpat says:

    Edo, you probably know this already, but “Going My Home” looks like it is going to be a spectacularly good drama. I saw the first installment (2 hrs.) last night. It was hilarious. What a cast! It’s movie quality production–I actually thought it was a movie when I stumbled on it.

    http://www.darksmurfsub.com/forum/index.php?/topic/5604-going-my-home-2012/

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